By Brenda Tassava Medina, CVPM, CVJ, MVLCE
Everyone has a superpower. Mine happens to be listening….or so I’ve been told by friends, colleagues, and clients. My husband would argue that I’m not a great listener because when we watch television together in the evening, I tend to passively listen and won’t catch all the dialogue at times. There’s a significant difference between active and passive listening, and both can be beneficial when employed appropriately.
Passive listening is what happens when I sit down to watch television in the evening to unwind and relax after a long day. I’m not entirely focused, and I don’t intend or feel the need to catch every word spoken. I may miss key elements of the story line. However that’s okay as I’m simply allowing my brain to rest from the hard work I put it through during the day. A great rule of thumb is that passive listening is fine when it comes to music, entertainment and other media that is meant to provide entertainment and/or relaxation. Passive listening is NOT appropriate during conversations with people, or when trying to learn something new.
Active listening is a skill that anyone can master. It’s to your benefit to practice active listening until it comes naturally in your interactions with people at work, and in your life outside of work. When you improve your active listening skills you can reduce conflict and ward off misunderstandings. You also will find that you have a stronger sense of belonging, and you might even feel more confident. There are six key active listening skills you should consciously use to hone your abilities.
Pay Attention
Make eye contact with anyone who is communicating something to you. When your mind starts to race ahead and formulate an answer, or compels you to want to interrupt, stop that inner voice and focus on the person who is speaking to you. Make sure they have completed their thought before responding in any way. Pay attention to your body language to assure the person talking to you feels that you are paying attention and welcome their thoughts. Avoid crossing your arms, and smile pleasantly when appropriate.
Withhold Judgement
In order to truly listen to someone else, you have to clear your mind of what you think you’re about to hear. Often, we go into conversations with a pre-conceived notion about the person or their views. This prevents us from truly hearing what they say. Instead, take a moment to breathe, and give your full attention to the person who’s about to speak. Give them the benefit of the doubt by consciously choosing to erase any pre-conceived notions about what you’re about to hear.
Reflect
Paraphrasing, or reflection is a technique used by active listeners to assure they are not only hearing someone correctly, but that they understand the message that is being conveyed. Paraphrasing can be done periodically throughout a conversation to assure you are on the right track in fully understanding what is being communicated to you.
An example might sound something like this: “Jamie is such a good co-worker when she’s here. She’s great with clients, is very organized and knows her job. I’m so frustrated with her lately because she’s rarely here on time!”
To paraphrase, you might say, “So Jamie is a wonderful CSR and co-worker, but her dependability is an issue.”
Clarify
Questions can be invaluable when it comes to active listening and being able to respond to others. If there’s any confusion or ambiguity after listening to someone, ask open-ended questions to clarify any doubts you might have about what you heard. Open-ended questions are those that cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”.
Examples include:
“Tell me more about that situation…”
“Can you be specific, and give me a few examples of what you’re describing…”
“What have you tried so far to fix this issue?”
Summarize
After hearing someone out, paraphrase what you think you heard back to that person. By restating in your own words what you believe you heard, you’ll avoid miscommunication and misunderstandings of situations. It will also help prevent you from falling into old patterns of allowing your mind to race ahead without fully hearing what is being communicated.
Share
Once you have an understanding of what has been told to you, you can then use this knowledge to share your own perspective, experiences, or related stories to help the other person. Your conversation will be much more appreciated if you save your sharing for when the other person has completed their train of thought. This assures they can share, and you will listen without interruption.