By Brandon Hess, CVPM, CCFP
Many things in life are out of our control. Brian Kight, a leadership consultant that works with the Ohio State Football team has an equation that he calls the “R Factor”. The equation is as follows:
E + R = O
“E” stands for events. These are the things in our life that we have no control over: a canceled flight, traffic, a decision someone else makes etc. The “R” stands for your response to that event. The outcome (O) is a direct reflection of your response (R) to the events (The R Factor). While this is a very empowering concept, it does not come without its challenges. One of those challenges is what many people struggle with: trying to control the E.
Over my years in management and consulting I have learned to focus my time and energy on the things I can control. We all have entirely too many things going on in our lives, along with a limited amount of brain capacity and energy. This approach, while challenging, has allowed me to focus my attention on those things that I can control. Sounds easy huh? Well, it’s not! It truly is a skill, and just like any skill you have to practice it to become better.
Try this approach:
Did that work? If not, try some of the techniques below.
Positive People:
Positive thoughts alone can help you get through a challenging situation, or see the positive outcome of a negative event. Shawn Achor, a Positive Psychologist from Harvard has a great Ted Talk that statistically shows the correlation between happiness and success (along with additional techniques to the below).
Own your “R”:
We all know the definition of insanity: “Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”. We can apply this to the R-Factor: Giving the same response, to the same events and expecting a different outcome. Once you can embrace the idea that you have control over the outcomes (not the events!) you will feel more in control when things are truly not in your control.
Positive Self-Talk:
While it’s easy to see the negative in events, it’s incredibly difficult to see the positive; until you learn the skill. Instead of telling yourself all of the negative things that easily come to mind, try telling yourself positive things instead.
Meditation:
If you find yourself stressing over something that happened, find a quiet place. It’s amazing what deep breaths, calming music and some alone time can do to decrease stressful thoughts.
These are just a few ideas, as there are many more to try!
I can’t control events, and I certainly can’t control other people. What I can control is what I choose to give energy and time to. As a manager I learned quickly that I cannot prevent bad things from happening. Everyday is a new adventure and if I tried to fight the negative things, or stress out about them, it immediately impacted my job satisfaction. It took years of practice, but now you can find me frequently sitting calmly as chaos swirls around. I still have stress, don’t get me wrong, I just control what I stress about.