By Brandon Hess, CVPM, CCFP
There’s healing in sharing, and it’s about time I practice what I preach. It’s the first time that I’ve written about this moment, the phone call that almost derailed my career in veterinary medicine. It challenged me, but also set the groundwork for the next phase of my career. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was at a fork in the road; utilize the tools I’ve learned through my formal education in Psychology, or run away from the career I’ve worked so hard to build.
When I began consulting, I fell in to a niche of speaking on Compassion Fatigue and Suicide Awareness. The basis of my Veterinary Professional Wellbeing (VPW) workshop became the ABCs: Awareness, Balance and Connection. By practicing these three things, combined with a level of Emotional Intelligence (EI), veterinary professionals can anticipate and manage the impact that our career has on us. While much of the focus on these topics has been on Veterinarians, the reach is across all of VetMed.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
It wasn’t abnormal for me to receive a phone call over the weekend, as I was managing a large 24/7/365 practice. My phone was attached to my hip (figuratively) and was quickly answered. On the other line was one of my staff, with an unforgettable message about one of our assistants. “Brandon, I just got a phone call that Stephanie was found deceased. The caller wouldn’t tell me who they were, but her family has called since then and confirmed.” My mind went into overdrive; I’ve never had to deal with this as a manager. I immediately called the medical director, and got in my car. I went into protector mode. It was important for my staff to hear this from me, rather than word-of-mouth or social media. I snuck in the back door, and gathered my thoughts in one of the offices. I rehearsed what I would say multiple times, and tried to prepare myself for the reactions that were to follow.
What happened that day, and the following weeks were hard to prepare for. It was especially hard as I had terminated Stephanie a few weeks prior. Were the staff going to put some of the blame on me? If I didn’t terminate her, would this have happened? This is where I had to force myself to practice what would ultimately become the ABCs.
Awareness
Emotional Intelligence (EI) is one of the most valuable soft skills that a professional can have. Part of EI is an understanding and awareness of how things can/do impact you, and why. My personality is a protector. I would be more focused on taking care of my team, and would not take time to process what happened until I knew they were taken care of. I couldn’t let it catch me off guard when I began to process it. Recognizing that this would be even more challenging, because I carried a certain level of guilt.
Balance
I had to do things to distract myself, and also encourage my team to do the same. It’s not about avoiding what is bothering you, rather it’s about making sure to do things that you enjoy, in order to balance the sadness. Sitting on the couch and staring at the TV is the worst thing you can do, which leads to the “C”.
Connection
Asking for help. It seems so simple, yet so many people don’t do it. There’s a stigma that comes with it. A perceived weakness if you will. What I found, was that there’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, there were more people willing to help when I asked for it. Through the process people would ask me if I was okay, because I was taking care of others and not focusing on myself. When it hit me, I had to ask for help. I asked for time off, and confided in people I trusted. The nature of Stephanie’s death is not a necessary part of this story. What is important is that you have control over your path. If I had not practiced the ABC’s I could have easily chosen to leave the field. Just the thought of having this conversation again is enough to make me second guess my choice. As an industry, we are reactive. Compassion Fatigue, burnout and suicide within the veterinary industry is not something we can afford to be reactive about anymore. Proactive veterinary professionals and practices will be the change necessary to get ahead of the epidemic we are facing.
What I hope others will take from this is: 1. It’s OK to share. Not easy, but OK. 2. Self-care is important; no, it’s necessary. A certain level of selfishness is needed sometimes. 3. Ask for help. Even if you don’t think you need it, let others help you.
*names were changed to protect identities.*